The April Experiment Breakdown
Things have started to shift once again in my life. I'm always curious to see what areas within myself that I start to recognize dead weeds & clear them away, to plant & nourish new seeds and make room for lush nurtured plants to grow.
My main concentration surrounding Vivify is growing from living an alcohol free life, to living an overall optimized life of health & wellness. So many aspects need to be carefully sown together in order to make this happen. In order for the magic to unveil itself. I am going through a major rebranding at this time, which in itself is one of the biggest learnings I've come across so far.
Let me begin with my March rollover:
VivifyYYC Support Night - I have, for now, placed this on hold. I'd be lying if I said it was a difficult decision. It wasn't. The reason being is that I felt now is not the right moment. Or perhaps I had the logistics all wrong. What I feel works with women and curiosity surrounding living alcohol free is that although I thought support groups were the way to go, I now feel, after 1 1/2 years in living alcohol free myself, one-on-one time is best. More women have reached out to me via email & DM, and have asked to go for a coffee just the two of us. And maybe it's because the stigma that still surrounds those who are looking to remove alcohol from their lives. Or shame. Whatever it is, I'm here. I'll always be here to listen & support because I was once in their shoes and felt I had no one to connect with here in Calgary who was going through the same shit storm. So if you're reading this, and you just want to vent or cry or laugh, I'm here, and I'll sit with you, if that's what you need. But you need to show up, no one is going to do the work for you. I realized that in a BIG way, and I'm still here, still making shit happen. Even on the days I want to crawl under a rock or the shade of a big palm tree, and just not grow today. I still do, and I will.
Work - This is THE big one. This is my last month at my corporate 9-5. FUCKING gulp. Kidding. I'm beyond excited, and nervous, and scared, and hopeful, and optimistic. I am, for the first time in my life, creating my future. And I have no idea what that looks that at this moment, but I know I'm that much closer. As mentioned earlier, I'm in the beginning stages of rebranding my website from revolving around living alcohol free, to a journey into health, wellness and personal growth & development.
Ayurveda & Detox Workshop Canmore - I was fortunate enough to attend an Ayurvedic workshop in Canmore again with the lovely Kristen Stuart. Here we meditated, practiced Kundalini Yoga, reviewed some basic Ayurvedic information around detoxing and dived into some morning routine rituals. If you're looking for somewhere to start in your healing/personal development/wellness journeys, keep your eye & ears open to workshops such as these. Dip your toe in, the water is warm. Invest your time & energies into these types of streams of information. It'll open you up to different avenues of knowledge and learning.
Coffee - Still off the coffee, and it still creates some sadness. But holy shit can I just tell you how good I feel. I haven't felt near as debilitating a panic or anxiety attack since giving up the delicious black magic. My thoughts are clearer, I don't feel any real lulls during the afternoon. In performing another experiment on myself however, I did cheat. I made a fucking delicious butter/coconut oil coffee the other Sunday. You know the one, you blend butter & honey & coconut oil with your coffee. Ohhhh Eeeeeeee. It was like I had tasted the sacred fruit from the across the driest dessert I crawled. And did I pay the price. Halfway through my coffee, with froth so luscious I can only assume came from the clouds of heaven, my heart started to race. My actions & thoughts were quick and all over the place. Then, I started to feel that ever so subtle lump start to form in my stomach. Not today Satan. So I poured out the sweet delicious nectar and made a "note to self". It's not worth it. Short term solutions never fix the larger issue. Just like alcohol. Interesting how things come full circle..
Let's roll right into April, shall we:
Daily Morning Routine - I touched upon this in an earlier Blog post, so I won't go into too much detail here, but incorporating a daily morning routine is honestly one of the most amazing contributions to my personal growth I've come across so far. Without fail, I somehow incorporate Breath, Meditation & Movement into my morning. For me, it's helped to lower stress, allows for more clarity in my thoughts, calmness throughout my body & mind, and best of all, I don't feel like flipping off every person on the road on my way to work.
K2 Speaker Series - My girl Kira Dunlop (a la Boring Little Girl Club) and I came up with the awesome idea of hosting a monthly all women's panel night called K2 Panel Series Discussion. The power of women coming together is an electrifying occurrence. This is what I was ultimately hoping for Vivify to be. What better way to discuss, share, involved & come together than a panel discussion night. Each month we host different topics. April's topic was "Freedom" or "Free Woman", and what that looks and feels like to our panelists. I really wanted to speak at our first night. It meant a lot to me to be able to share what "Freedom" means to me. I am free from a lot of things that used to hold me down. My self doubt being the biggest, and my dependency on alcohol occurring through that. The freedom and self-responsibility I have in my life right now is nothing that can be touched. Only felt. And I feel it all over, literally. This night was so so meaningful to me. And I was and am honoured to me a part of such an amazing project that I hope will continue to grow and flourish. May 28th is our next panel night, and the topic this month is "Healthy Woman".
Body Electric - Talk about electrifying experiences. This is one for the record books. At the end of April, I went to a Body Electric workshop in Victoria. And although I am typically open and share what's going on for me and my experiences, this one was so precious and so purposeful, that I am going to keep much of it to myself. I will tell you however, and I can't predicate this enough, the power of women is just fucking awesome. When we come together with the same meaning and intention, wow, I'm just floored. 15 women joined me on this amazing weekend. It was full of love, gratitude, honour, kinship, kindness, knowledge and also guilt, shame, sadness. Much of the latter has to do with body image and the way we see ourselves. The way we treat ourselves and have allowed ourselves to be treated. It was incredibly touching and sad at the same time to have women share their insecurities around their bodies, vaginas, sexuality. Myself included. And I feel it's important to attend workshops such as these to remind ourselves we're not alone. We all suffer some the same sadness, "Im not enough", shaming. But when we come together and share those feelings & thoughts & experiences, the pain or hurt or guilt just doesn't have as much power over us because we know we're not alone.
And now for May. What is to come? Well, I suppose transition is the name of the game this month. I am going through a rebranding of myself, Vivify and my experiences moving forward. And I'm starting a new business - vivifydogs. And there's a lot of excitment within in that. Mixed in with fear, doubt, the unknown. But I'm trusting in the Universe to guide me along. I am open to whatever She has planned for me, and I'm so very hopeful for my future. I can't wait to tell you what's up next for the coming months. Stay strong, stay true to you & your experiences & feelings, and everything will work out as it should. - xo K